A sea of cars zipped past the street as Andy and his friends waited to cross the street. Lauren had dropped them off in Downtown Cincinnati to go browsing around. She had told them to meet up with her around six and no later. Andy swatted away several flies from him. He was getting annoyed at the constant buzzing he was hearing. The sound of a bug buzzing always drove him crazy. When the street sign lit up, they walked across the street. Savannah, who was dressed in a teal baseball jersey, long, white shorts, and had her hair tied into a French braid with a cream scrunchy holding it up, ran across the street. He liked that she was a gorgeous girl who actually didn’t have an ego shoved up her sweet ass.
"Why’d you do that?" he asked her as they made it to the crosswalk.
"I didn’t want to get hit." she said, catching her breath.
Andy laughed. Things like cars, airplanes, roller coasters, and rats freaked her out.

Reese, dressed in a low-cut white tank top that cut off just above her navel, low-rider jeans, and a pair of heels tossed her Sonic cup into a nearby trashcan. She flipped her dark-blond hair and looked inside a window that had a mannequin modeling a pair of white jeans.
"Three hundred dollars!?" she embellished. "Not worth it."
She paced ahead of the group, receiving stares from a bunch of geeky looking guys who were standing outside a video game store. In Savannah’s opinion, she thought Reese was overexposed, especially with the big, silver hoop earring. She was pretty, but the weather was a little chilly for her to be dressed like that. Andy didn’t seem to mind Reese’s choice in outfit at all.

Savannah took a sip of her slushy before turning to Holly, who was texting someone on her cell phone.
"I think my feet are bleeding." she whined.
Holly giggled. "We’ve only been walking for an hour."
"Exactly." she huffed.
Savannah wasn’t used to walking this long. In the sixth grade she tried out for track and it turned out to be a disaster. People told her she ran like a duck and she ended up quitting two weeks afterward. Everyone wouldn’t let her live it down. Her sixth grade social studies seemed to be upset about Savannah quitting because she gave her stern looks for the next couple of weeks. And when Savannah told her she was going to try out for seventh grade cheerleading, the teacher said "Too bad. You’ll probably quit that team, too, because it’s too much hardwork."

Savannah looked over her shoulders and saw that Carter was watching her. Ever since the night before, she had been weary of him ever since he criticized about going to a party she and the girls had been invited to. They weren’t talking so far. She immediately turned around and kept on walking straight ahead. Andy caught up with her. He thought he should get to know her a little better. Maybe finding out about what kind of stuff she was into.
"What’s your favorite video game?" he asked her.
"Sega games, Mario, and there was this Nintendo 64 game called Glover I used to play at my daycare." she confirmed. "I only have computer games, though. I’ve never had any gaming system."

Andy looked at her as she were crazy. He couldn’t imagine never having a gaming system. Every person should have one. He was fifteen years old and knew every game that came out.
Suddenly an idea popped into his head. He looked at Savannah who was staring questionably at him.
"What?" she asked bemusedly.
Ten minutes later, he was walking out of Game Stop carrying a large bag.
"I can’t believe you spent your money for her." Elisha remarked. "You can’t buy her love, after all."
"Yeah, but I can buy her fun." he said, winking at Savannah.
She just stood there dumbfounded. She had protested to Andy to not buy her an Xbox, but he wouldn’t listen. Before she knew it he was spending two hundred dollars on her.
"I just want to make up for your childhood loss." Andy smiled.
It wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to do something nice for his friends. He once gave Holly a hundred dollars for her thirteenth birthday. He even gotten Carter an expensive baseball card. The kind that was in a glass.

Savannah shook her head. She didn’t like being a burden on people. But she realized this was real. Andy was actually buying her something. This wouldn’t be the first time that day he would spend money on her. When they went to Friday’s, he paid for her dinner, against Savannah’s protest of course. He even bought her ten video games to go with her Xbox. Andy had told her he had a thousand dollars in his pocket. She had no idea why his parents gave him that much money for him to spend. He told her it was because his parents knew he would need the money for pleasure. Money was no object for his parents.
She had learned a lot about Andy. Like the fact that his parents were civil right activists, his grandparents had toured with The Beatles, showed up at Martin Luther King’s speech, was there when President
Kennedy was shot, and his grandma even survived at a concentration camp. What was more unique was that his parents weren’t snobs. They often enjoyed sharing money with charities and even gave a profit of over a million dollars to the Hurricane Katrina Relief Fund. Andy had often gone on mission trips to help children in African. He even showed her a picture of it. His hair looked funny with his seventies hair. Savannah thought he reminded her of Bobby Brady.

It was still daylight when six-o’clock fell. They were all worn out. Maris and Lucas sat on bench, Maris laying his head on Lucas’s lap. Andy looked at the couple. They were for sure going out by then. Lucas looked up and beckoned Andy to sit next to them.
"Have you talked to Palma lately?" interrogated Lucas.
Andy was annoyed by Lucas’s question. Of course he had texted Palma. It was just that Palma was busy with schoolwork. It was still Friday after all.
Ew! I don’t want to be like Gossip Girl. My story is nothing like that

I think the story itself is pretty good. There are lots of grammatical errors, though, and you need to work a little more on your transitioning from one idea to the next, but overall, I think it’s a pretty good concept. I agree, you really need to cut down on your descriptions of what the characters are wearing. Instead of what you’d wrote, you could saying something like Savannah, in her teal baseball jersey and long shorts, hair braided tied loosely into a French braid, heedlessly jogged across the street". That’s just an example, but you can see how much better the sentence would be without being bogged down by all the useless descriptions. I mean really, do you think we care about the color of her scrunchie?

And I feel you should work on your transitioning a bit more as well. Although you indicated when the scene was changing by the **, I still felt that the sentences and ideas of the story as a whole need to be ironed out. It’s not too terribly bad, but you should really look it over.

But other than that, I think it’s really good. Good Luck!

sorry about the quality, but youtube compressed it all

Thanks to Joelsk for helping me out.

http://www.youtube.com/user/joelsk

Duration : 0:1:2

Technorati Tags: 3dsmax, Bad, beijer, capellen, cibap, duitsland, grund, john, johnbeyer, mercedes, motion, PFTrack, russenweg, tracking, vray, zalk

Duration : 0:2:58

Technorati Tags: technology

Easily installed on your own web server, On-Track allows you to specify projects, users and customize settings to begin managing your testing phases more efficiently.

314.692.CUBE (2823)
info@roundedcube.com
www.roundedcube.com

Duration : 0:3:47

Technorati Tags: bug tracking, Design, help desk, issue management, RC On-Track, Roundedcube, Support, Web App, Web Development

Duration : 0:3:26

Technorati Tags: Accounting, Defect, Delivered, Delivery, electronic, enterprise, ePOD, Handheld, Inspections, KPI, Managment, mobile, of, PDA, Proof, Reports, Route, Sales, software, Systems, tracking, Van, vehicle, Wholesale

Duration : 0:7:0

Technorati Tags: Bushcraft, Pathfinder, Scouting, Survival, tracking, Trekking

Duration : 0:6:10

Technorati Tags: avalon, camry, corolla, Defect, gas, matrix, pedal, pontiac, rav4, recall, sequoia, Toyota, tundra, vibe

Duration : 0:0:35

Technorati Tags: 00, 000, 5300, adobe, after, at&t, banned, Bluetooth, boston, break, bug, bugged, bugging, call, cdma, cell, cellphone, cingular, dvb-h, effects, Ericsson, FBI, from, gb, glow, GPS, gsm, hack, hacking, how, iggy35, into, mobile, n96, NOKIA, nseries, other, phone, phones, picture, porn, privacy, rare, review, ringtone, s60, sex, software, Sony, sprint, Super, symbian, tap, to, tracking, verizon, wcvb, wcvbtv, wireless, wiretap, xxx

This is a response to some critique I gained from the first conceptual draft paper I wrote about this idea. The Synergy Project is supposed to be an open-source social bug-tracking experiment.

If you’d like to talk about any of these ideas I’m talking about check out http://www.OneSynergy.org and join the boards!

Duration : 0:6:16

Technorati Tags: collaborative, community, effort, experiment, issue, Open, project, Social, Source, synergy, tracking

Duration : 0:9:8